A window into LandWorks

“Well, opportunity innit. I mean I’m doing nothing. Probation … community plan. I used to be … what do you call it now? Where you’re committing crime all the time. I used to be on prolific offenders during me 20’s and 30’s … burglaries, robberies, woundings, stuff like that. I done robberies mostly.

I were a child drug addict to start with … really early, in me teens. Friends started to smoke it and I thought it were good … doing what they were doing. Now, I understand it’s a learnt behaviour. Do you know what I mean? That’s what happens sometimes to children. It didn’t help me being in a children’s home as well, at the time … seeing people glue sniffing and stuff like that, injecting heroin and amphetamines and taking crack cocaine. Normal behaviour … went to a shop and smash my way into the shop. I just thought it were normal … normal to do stuff like that. Police in them days, they were nasty, really abusive. Drugs … just injecting drugs. Injecting heroin at 14/15/16, all the way through to me 20’s … injecting constantly and fighting, being an absolute nut-case basically.

I stopped about five or six years ago… I got fed-up waiting on street corners, waiting for heroin, in the rain and that. I just couldn’t be arsed to do it in’t end. It just got too much. Sick of drug dealers just taking the piss and drugs not proper anymore anyway. It’s not even heroin, it’s … I can’t say I’ve been involved in it, but the cutting agents in heroin these days, they’re using paracetamol, caffeine, diazepam, fentanyl, and it’s like having that cheap cider, if you know what I mean. It just got crap. That’s the truth of it. It’s crap. That’s honest. I couldn’t be bothered…Being clean is obviously not taking it forever. I wouldn’t say I am 100% clean, but I’ve not used heroin now for five or six months.

Knocking around with different people helps. You’re not … when they’re not on heroin, you start to build relationships then with other people. I never understood but some people can be alright instead of being locked up next to a murderer or a serial killer or summit like that. Some people are good, and they haven’t got ignorant agendas and things like that.

I did a lot of solitary confinement … years … to a point I were talking to me sen … no human contact. Fighting system for years. Some screws are just absolute evil people. There’s always one what’ll give you a glimmer of hope, so you never … you hope on humanity because that one little bit of kindness … like keep fighting, but you can’t win the system, you can never win the system… 

I’m an alcoholic. I stopped heroin and started drinking. To be honest with you, I were more healthier on heroin. I were. Drinking’s a lot worse than heroin … hundred times worse. I’ll drink anything. Anything, yeah. I’m still drinking.

I just drink loads of cider and sometimes brandy … yeah, brandy and coke … Captain Morgan. So, when I do drink stuff like that it causes atrial defibrillation. When I’ve had a drink and when it’s coming out of me system, I start going into like a detox and me body can’t cope so me heart goes into AF. Yeah, I’ve got to be really careful. I’ve calmed down a lot, well, just since Monday … or Thursday. So, I’ve just been drinking Stella.

I’ve got somewhere to live, yeah, now. I’ve never had a … it’s not a home, it’s not summit I can call a home, it’s a rented flat with other people around. So, it’s not like a council house where I’ve got me own house, me own bedroom, I can run about house and do what I want. I’ve never had that, ever. I’ve never had a house … no. I’ve always been in some kind of shared accommodation, sometimes with the sort of people doing what I shouldn’t be doing, and all different personalities are together, and it just doesn’t work. It doesn’t work and people like do drug dealing, smoking crack and whatnot and doing stuff, coming in with stolen goods, in and out, the door banging all night. It’s horrible that … sleep deprivation because you can’t even … I’ve been in shared accommodation where I’ve had to grab me blanket and just slept on street, so I’d get a decent night’s sleep.

So, when I come here on Thursday, to LandWorks, I’m not drinking. I’m here, I’m not drunk, I’m straight. I woke up this morning and come straight here because in the morning I’ve got a problem where I have to … in me head … drink. So, coming here today’s like … come on Mick. Like five/six o’clock, go home, you get four cans and stay in, don’t go nowhere. Don’t go out looking for any beer, stay where I is, so that’s what I’m doing.

I like coming here … good people. The place is growing and building. Things are happening and things are changing. Every time I come, there’s always summit else … different. It’s really good and it’s important as well, innit, for other people as well and community at large, for people to go back out from here. I feel that sense of peace. I feel at peace now. Just talking to you as well, makes me feel a bit nice … talking about things what I wouldn’t really mention to anybody.”