“I’m here because I lost me temper. I lost me temper and I didn’t think through my actions before doing what I did […] So yeah, would I do it again? No. It’s just not worth the hassle it’s caused, but you know, yeah, that’s what’s brought me to LandWorks.
I got given a community order with 40 hours community service to do, which I’ve already done, and then 15 rehabilitation days, which I’m gonna be doing them here as well. I can remember my probation officer brought me out the first time. We sat, we had lunch, I got introduced to everyone and then yeah, literally, I think it was like the following week, I started.
To be fair I don’t get nervous and worried. I’m one of them people, you can stick me in any situation and I’m just gonna own it. Yeah, I don’t do nerves. It’s just emotions, I just don’t have like. I’ve seen too much, been through too much, just like nothing phases me anymore, you know, once you see a lot of shit nothing phases you. Yeah. I don’t know. I stopped being scared and anxious and worried about things when I was about 16. I think that’s when it all stopped and then I just … yeah, I don’t get … the only thing that really concerns me in life is, you know, where I’m gonna sleep at night. Do you know what I mean?
That’s about it. I’ve got friends, but I’ve got nowhere of my own. Do you know what I mean? I’ve never really had anywhere of my own. I’ve always bounced about, apart from when I had my pubs like, that was it, I’ve never really had anywhere I can call my own. It’s always been shared with partners. Do you know what I mean? Obviously, when it all goes tits up it’s always me that leaves and them that ends up with the place like.
I’ve been in and out of prison since I was about 15/16. It’s a regular thing for me. It’s not if I catch the next sentence, it’s when and for how long. Do you know what I mean? Even now like doing this and you know, I don’t want to be involved in getting criminally active and all that, I don’t, but sometimes I’ve got no choice. Do you know what I mean? Like when it comes to … sometimes, you know, you’re flat broke, you’ve got nothing, you ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. If somebody offers you an easy route to make a bit of easy cash, you’ve just got the blinkers on, you don’t think what if I get caught, what if I get arrested, you just go right, yeah, easy money, you know.
When did I fit my prison in? Prison has been fucking sporadic, spaced out in between. There has been a few little jail sentences in between. The majority of ‘em are all just little six monthers. I think the longest one I got was just under 18 months for burglary. Again, I was stupid, desperate, I don’t even know what I was thinking.
I’m 34 years old, I’ve never been abroad. I’ve never had a passport, never been away on holiday, never … the closest I’ve got to a holiday is fucking HMP, you know, other than that I’ve just … so I don’t know, these are all the things that I want to change, you know, I want to actually start living my life and maybe when I’m depressed I wouldn’t be quite so depressed because I’ve got things to look forward, you know.
What have I been doing when I was here? Mainly just maintenance. I’ve got a nickname for meself, which is ‘weedy’ or ‘sandy’ because I’m either sanding something or weeding something. So yeah. I don’t know, just doing whatever’s asked of me. I’ve not refused anything, you know, if they’ve said right, can you do this? Yeah, first time of asking, I want it, you know, I don’t refuse anything.
What do I like about being here? I like the peacefulness of it all, if I’m honest. Yeah, like today, this afternoon I’ve just been in that little workshop bit, on me own, just … I’m the kind of person you can just leave to me own devices and I’ll crack on. I won’t piss about, I’ll get the job done. But yeah, just the peace, and I like the community and I can see it’s really helping people like Katy. Do you know what I mean? I can see how much this place means to her and without that she’s got no structure, you know. I know that sounds … it’s probably pretentious of me to say it, but like she probably has got a life outside here, do you know what I mean, but it just seems like … I can see that it’s really benefiting her. She enjoys being here. She likes being here. I like seeing other people do well and hearing her story and where’s she come … you know, what’s gone on in her life, and for that reason I like the place. Whether I’ll get the same kind of … out of it, I’m not too sure. But yeah, definitely for the people, for them kind of people, it’s … yeah man, I rate it highly, I really do. I don’t think it’s ever gonna help me like that purely based on the fact that I need something … I need qualifications man. I need qualifications.
I want the same as what everyone else has got, you know. I want a loving family. I want … it’s not gonna provide that for me, you know. The things that I need and want out of life, I won’t get from this place. But it does give me a bit … it breaks up the monotony cycle of my life through not working. I hate not working. I hate it. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand not being busy or not doing something. So yeah, for that, I do enjoy it, but deep down, in the back of my head, that clock’s ticking.”
A window into LandWorks 