“…my probation officer, she was asking me to start coming for like a good six to eight months before I actually did, yeah, because I never used to really go out anywhere or do anything and I didn’t like going anywhere, so yeah, she kept saying that I’d really enjoy it and it would be really good for me.
At first it was still a bit daunting coming here. I thought it was beautiful. Everyone was really lovely. I don’t know what I expected. My probation officer is really good at like meeting my needs really and she knew that I’d end up loving it here. When I first came out, I think we … did we come out for lunch? I think we did, and it was in the summer, and everyone was sat outside, and it just reminded me of like a Grecian taverna. Then I come for my first day the following week and I think I was doing one day a week at first and then it gradually went to three, sometimes four.
It’s been a bit of a rocky road for me and my probation officer at first because I didn’t understand probation. I didn’t really understand much of it, any of it. Do you know what I mean? I didn’t really have a clue to be honest. I turned up to my first probation meeting with a pink gin in my hand. Yeah, I didn’t know you weren’t allowed to drink or like nothing like that until she told me I was late … I was like you’re lucky I’m even here like. Then when like I seen her like the second time, I thought why is she being so nosey, why does she want to know everything about me, because I just didn’t know that that was how it all worked and that. So yeah, it was a rocky road at first. Since then, she’s been like my … because I was on the waiting list for the mental health team again, so she deals with like my mental health. She was like … she’s been basically my support. She’s like everything all in one, so she’s been brilliant and from then ‘til now, I’m like a completely different person.
Now it’s just like … I can’t believe … you know, I can’t believe the massive change really. Coming here really, most of it, because my probation officer could only do so much, but this got me out and then it gave me a purpose and I love coming here. It’s made my physical health and my mental health, both, so much better. I’m probably in the best place now, minus my ex, then what I’ve ever been in my life really … in my head and how I feel… I didn’t realise how much support and that you’ve got here. Do you know what I mean? I thought you’d just like do your work and go home, but obviously the more I kept coming here, the more … obviously yourself, Daniela, Elli, Chris and Graham, like everyone does amazing support and I just started like looking forward to coming and wanting to do more days and just enjoying myself and it just gives … because sometimes, like I say, at home and that, I used to isolate myself as well, like here … maybe it’s because I talk things through with people. Sometimes I’d turn my phone off for like three or four weeks and my probation officer would have to get the police to come and like do welfare checks on me because no-one would hear from me. So yeah, I feel great coming here. I don’t drink half … not even quarter the amount as what I used to. Before I come here, I used to smoke weed. I don’t smoke weed no more, because weed makes me lazy, but I love being active now. I can’t imagine like going back to having nothing now. Do you know what I mean? Like I even walk the dogs. I don’t have a dog-walker anymore. I do it all myself and any problems I get I can like deal with.
The first couple of times, like I didn’t really want to come because obviously I’d been like so … like with my mental health, so closed off from everyone, didn’t really like discuss … I used to just think I was bad and annoy people. Do you know what I mean? I’d just push everyone away really, but in here, it’s like a little family unit and I just find it … I don’t know, it’s just … I think it was a gradual thing, but it was like only by the time I’d been coming like a few weeks up to a month, I like knew that I loved it. Do you know what I mean? It has done … even though I’m seeing the mental health team and all that now, if it weren’t for here, I don’t think I would be half … like nowhere … I wouldn’t even go to … that’s why they struck off me the first time because I wouldn’t even turn up to any appointments. Do you know what I mean? I didn’t engage with anyone. Since I’ve been coming here, I engage with the mental health team together, fear free. I’ve got so much professional support it’s unreal.
It’s also like shown me that I don’t know what I want to do for a job now. I always thought I wanted to be a child psychologist, but I love working in the woodwork shop … I love it, like I really do. I used to have to do it as a punishment as a child because if I was naughty my stepdad used to take me … he had his own shop-fitting firm, so he used to take me to work with him. I was pretty good at it, I do DIY about the house and everything, but I absolutely love it. I’m starting to do my own little projects on my own furniture and that now. Yeah, I love restoring all the furniture and that.
I enjoy my days, even down to like getting the social aspect of like me getting the bus from my house to the supermarket. I know all the people on the bus now and everyone always praises LandWorks up when I’m on the bus and that. It has helped me physically and mentally. It’s given me routine, structure, discipline and like friends. Do you know what I mean? I say that a lot … do you know what I mean?”
A window into LandWorks 