A window into LandWorks

“Quite a journey. Obviously, I’ve had the support of LandWorks ever since 2020 and that’s been really good because you don’t get any judgement and you get like time to just not be treated in a certain way by people with their own agendas, which is very good for building inner strength, if you know what I mean.

I spent a couple of months over Christmas and New Year in * Prison with nothing but me to care about and no worries in the world.

If you think about it the right way and you think when I get out of here … which I didn’t know then, so I was just taking each day at a time … I’m never coming back. I didn’t even mind it that much. I just thought it’s up to me to make sure I’m never in a position where this could happen to me again.

So all my drug use up until now, all my drinking and drug use, and self-loathing and stuff, was coz of untreated PTSD. So that was kind of a revelation to sort of start like healing myself, forgiving myself, because I blame myself for everything I was doing and then to find out that actually I was like a victim, and then making a choice to become a survivor rather than a victim and turn it around coz of all those wasted years.

So I decided to make the most out of everything that I could get my hands on, like the Criminal Justice System and any therapy from doctors and stuff, which is a lot easier to get when you are like … you’ve been thrown in jail because of something you did because of the condition you’ve got, they kind of have to, you kind of go straight to the front of the queue because you are a risk to yourself and other people.

Yeah and now I’m going to be a peer support worker and help people in that position to make the decision that I made on my own. There is a way out of this. There is a future with the right help. Don’t be afraid to take it and ask for it, hold your hands up and move on.

Yeah. Because I saw it first-hand when I was in there. I just saw like young lads just giving up, you know, your only friends in the world are career criminals, so then they get out on parole, probation rather, and purposely mess it up so they can stash things and give it to their only mate who’s in a * drug gang.

Because they’ve got no-one else. The families don’t want to know, and they give up on themselves. So, if I can step in and say don’t give up on yourself, there are other people than these lifestyle criminals.

That’s what I think, yeah. I saw it. I’d sit … when I was on remand, I’d sit down and talk to them. I was just like these people are not your friends, when you leave here never come back, don’t mess up on purpose so you can stash spice up your arse for these people because they lent you some tobacco, they lent you some tobacco to get inside your head.

I have a good habit of just sort of smiling every day. They taught me in therapy, like just any one thing that you can do, that means you’re on your journey and not just not doing it coz you’ve got too much … coz you’re overwhelmed, it doesn’t matter, just anything you can do, even if it’s just like … I haven’t got hair, but brushing your hair in the morning, if that’s better than it was the day before, you’re on a journey.

That’s you’re in recovery and just to look at it like that, before you know it, it’s all normal to you and you’re building and building and building and building. So that’s kind of what I’ve been doing, even though I’ve had some massive set-backs, I just sort of shrugged that off and just learn from it and keep trying to accomplish more.

I was always scared to do something or want anything or need anything. It’s like I didn’t think I was worth having things, so I was happy to just have nothing and just have a laugh with my mates, get in mischief and that.

And then you get older, and people have got families and houses and stuff like that, and you’ve got nothing still.

You think you don’t deserve it.

So at first, I just used to do things, not coz I wanted to, but just because it seems like I should, and then I started to get better and then it’s like oh yeah, I’m glad I did that coz I didn’t know how much I missed it until I had it. So, it’s like driving and like having my own place to live and stuff like that. I didn’t think I cared about like any sort of fashion or like nice things or anything, but it’s nice to have ‘em. It’s like … to me it’s like a reflection of respect for myself.

…if our culture was more forgiving and understanding and willing to take responsibility for making changes and helping people, then I don’t think it would be so divided, like criminals and people who think they’re better than them or something. So, to have a little oasis like LandWorks where the culture is … everyone is so blasé about it, it’s just like whatever mate, whatever you did, he’s done worse, no-one gives a shit. So having that little place where you can just forget about it coz no-one’s interested is good and then you can sort of take it with you when you go…”