A window into LandWorks

“I was having a panic attack when I got here the first time ‘coz I’m anaemic and stuff […] My probation officer brought me here. I thought it was a bit of a weird setting. I think everyone was in yoga, so it was nice that everyone wasn’t about. I think it would’ve been way more daunting if I’d been like being … or seeing everyone, but yeah, it’s amazing what you do here really. It was weird ‘coz it’s a bit like a college setting, but like if you think of it … obviously at my age as well, and especially some of the other people that are here that are older, and you think when would you be put into this setting ever again, other than if you … it’s almost like an after school club. It reminds me of that type of thing, but yeah, I think it’s amazing really. I saw all the names on the board, and I started talking to the people that have been here before and everyone’s turned their life around, even like some of the less desirable people I know.

Unfortunately, I grew up with most of them, so I recognise a lot of names on these boards. We were all in emergency accommodation together, so if you think about it, we’re 14/15, left to our own devices in these B&Bs and no wonder there’s loads of crime and stuff. Obviously, I’m not of that nature, but a lot of them are like doing whatever … fighting, violence, thieving, you name it, they’ve done it … cars.

I’ve been doing a lot of art and crafts. I’ve been with Julia most of the time really, to be fair. I did a little bit with Graham, a bit of woodwork. That was really good. It’s really quite easy the way he’s set it out, so even if you don’t know what you’re doing, you feel like you’ve created something. Do you know what I mean? Even if you’re not like a dab-hand at it sort of thing…

I was really excited today just to come in and see the bits and bobs, see what colour they come out. So yeah, it’s brought out a lot. It’s really like what you call therapeutic. When you’re making stuff you’re not thinking about stuff. So like I broke my toe and on Tuesday, it was like the first morning, and I’d be doing something and then I’d move about … oh my god, my toe … coz I’d totally forgot about it coz I’m just playing, I’m just messing around, whereas I never do that at home … ever.

I’ve been helping out with putting all the tiles up and like all the achievements and stuff, like sort of adding to that really. Cooking … well, I’ve been doing all the lunches … Chantal’s potatoes. Nothing ever beats the first batch. Never applaud yourself for what you have done… I always realise that I’m always living in that moment, that something can be better, but I never like applaud myself for what I’ve done. Even getting back into work that time, like I was still climbing and climbing and climbing, but actually I’d just come out of prison and everyone knows everything. It’s all a façade almost. I never actually went ‘well done’ until it was all over and you never live in that moment, so I was like my potatoes just aren’t good enough because they were better last time … but it is nice because I’ve been living at a friend’s house, I don’t get to prepare like I would if I was at home. I’ve not been able to prepare food and stuff like that, so like making the salads from scratch, doing the potatoes from scratch, making everything from scratch, coleslaw from scratch, all different dressings, all that type of stuff, because I’m technically homeless, it’s that home vibe, so that’s really nice.

Then just talking to people, the only groups of friends I have are either drunk, maybe criminals or people that are just not on my wavelength because most of the women I knew from work are older ladies because I’m in quite a high-end job, well, not high-end, what do you call it, like a high-scaled job, so I wasn’t meeting people my age, so I’m not going to go and hang out with Susan that’s 60. Do you know what I mean? The only people I do actually still go … especially from this area where I was predominantly in school and in emergency housing, are just getting up to no good or getting drunk and obviously drink’s my demon and like even a lot of people from school and stuff, they’re all on drugs. It’s just like … it’s really nice to like … even though some people are, you know, criminals per se, but it’s really nice to just meet other people and talk and come out of my usual hell-hole…

Coz obviously I’d gone from having a panic attack walking in here, to feeling like part of the furniture within the first day almost. That was really nice. I think it was … I don’t know what I did the first day, I think it was my tile, and everyone was sort of coming up and going that’s brilliant. So it was just chatty with everyone straightaway. Yeah, it was almost like … it was just fluid, so there was no like awkward silences or like this is weird, you know, like it always is in college, you start like a new course and you’re like sitting next to someone … oh, fucking hell, this is shit. But I think everyone’s sort of in the same boat here as well, and you don’t know who works here at first and who doesn’t, which is quite funny. Graham’s lovely coz he’s happy and he’s always wandering around. He’s sort of in the middle there, when I’m at pottery, yeah, it was really nice.”