A window into LandWorks

“So after coming out of prison I thought my life was gonna be amazing, […], I would go back to normal life but without the stresses and the dramas of being on bail … that wasn’t the case. […] With all that, my mental health, you know, I came out with such, you know, great expectations, you know, my mental health just took…

Basically, after that my partner was just absolutely distraught and we thought that the best thing for me would be to move back to my parents. So I was quickly moved on from, you know, where I was living, thinking that I’d come back here and I’d have support. My step-mum’s very good at trying to look for practical things and LandWorks was something that came up and because I’d worked on the prison farm, you know, this kind of looked like a similar kind of thing, so …

I came to LandWorks with my probation officer and I was really nervous. Then I got out of the car and out of the corner of my eye I saw *** that I went to school with, and I was like … am I allowed to swear? F*** … but I carried on, you know, I didn’t know at that point whether they were a worker or not, but from their history at school I imagined they’d be the worker, not the other side. But yeah, I was nervous, but I left here, and I had really good feeling. So, yeah. That was just a visit to show me around.

Since then I have been doing lots of pottery. I done a bit in the workshop. Yeah, the workshop is alright, but I ended up with sore eyes coz the of the dust, so I think the pottery, you know, is more the place for me. I quite often, you know, I like going over to the allotment and just stealing some stuff to cook in the kitchen as well. I love the chickens. I like going collecting the eggs and having a cuddle with the chickens. They’re not very cuddly but some of them don’t mind. Yeah, I quite often just … I’m just going to the chickens. I do my cooking, which is great.

At LandWorks there’s help if you need it, you know, but in the same breath, I don’t always wanna be policed around people, so Chris just lets me get on with it sometimes. There’s help if you need it. If you wanna be around people you can, but I’m trusted enough to go into the pottery or that I’m capable of cooking, which I suppose some people don’t have them skills anyway, but obviously I know how to chop a carrot. Yeah, I like seeing other people, you know, improve as well. That’s nice.

…when I first came here certain people didn’t talk, maybe they didn’t talk to me as much or whatever, but now, you know, I get on the bus and how’s your weekend and everyone’s chatty, you know, I suppose it is a bit of a family community spirit here, Chris being the father or the grandad. Yeah, I just like being outside. It’s like … I dunno … I think the prospects as well coz when I’m settled … coz obviously this next period of my life is gonna be quite unsettling, Chris is gonna approach ‘*’ down the road and see if they maybe take me as a worker from here and possibly that might lead to some paid work, but for the moment things are gonna be a little bit unsettling. […] Just knowing that you can come here and there’s someone to listen to you if you need it, you know, everyone will listen even office staff. They’re not just office staff, you know, if Daniela hears me swearing in the kitchen, which she does sometimes … are you ok, do you need a hand with anything? And being able to bring the dog as well, you know, which you wouldn’t be able to do in many places.

There’s been lots of low points to me living in Devon, they’re nothing specific to do with LandWorks. There’s been low days at LandWorks but that’s not to do with LandWorks, that’s to do with how I’m feeling, you know. I’ve pushed myself from what I did in the beginning, it was like oh it’s only … it’s only volunteering, you know, it’s only going somewhere, I’m not being forced to go here by probation whereas other people had to come, but the more I push myself and keep walking down to Morrisons, you know, it could turn a really shit day into a not so shit day and that’s a good thing.

I go to like NA just because I felt like I needed to prove to everyone … I dunno … just … I dunno. I think also you don’t get any judgement in them places. Like I came down here … oh, that’s one thing I struggled with, coming out of prison, is feeling like I was being judged by everyone, coz you have to tell everyone pretty much, you know, you have to be open and honest, that’s what probation tell you, so you know, going there you don’t get any judgement. Yeah, I’m not really … it’s more of a chore to be out and getting in at half-nine. It messes with my medication, so I’ve kind of been stepping back from it a little bit, but I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs.

I like cooking for people. I do like that part. I feel like I know what I’m doing in the kitchen, well 99% of the time, you know. Yeah, I like keeping busy doing that. [Like eating with everyone] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a time that you can all sit there and chat, but you can also bugger off on your phone if want, have a smoke, you know, I prefer having a smoke to sitting down, so you know, I do what suits me at that time. Most of the boys have a little go on the table-tennis, which is quite banterful. I haven’t got a clue what’s going on or who’s actually winning, but yeah, it’s good.

I keep coming out to LandWorks, because you’ve got the community spirit and if I didn’t come here … I’ll be honest with you Julie, I’d walk the dog, and I’d go back to bed every single day. I can’t do that every single day coz I’d have nothing to talk to my partner about on the phone…”