“It’s been really good. It sort of gave me a purpose coz I was coming sort of two days a week as well. It gave me purpose. It sort of broke my week up as well. I don’t know, it’s changed me a lot in a sense I’ve probably got a lot more confidence back, whereas not everyone’s shit. It’s quite a nice place to see people sort of grow and want to become more. So it sort of pushes you to … yeah, be the best version of yourself.
I don’t know, it’s just boosted my confidence. I haven’t been drinking so much because I’m coming here as well and obviously I’ve been doing a lot more art at home because I’m gonna be … obviously I’m going to * and everything … I’ll be doing a lot more art when I’m there. I’ll probably be in bed for a while as well. So it’s given me sort of hobbies to do at home as well and possibly something I could do in the future, especially the pyrography. I really enjoyed that and yeah, I think I might do that in the future […] I did art for my first year, but never really carried it on. It was more writing about Andy Warhol rather than throwing paint, which is what I wanted to do.
I’ve been mostly in the pottery room. I tried the wheel, which I wasn’t gonna because of my nails, but I still made a couple of pots. I’ve been doing a lot of painting, a lot of glazing, mosaics … that’s taken a lot of my time really.
Probably just the people and the actual atmosphere rather than the experience … of course that’s great as well. It’s sort of given me a bit of motivation to do it again, but I think it’s just the people and confidence and everything it’s given me. It’s given me more motivation to like speak to new people and just leave my old life behind me.
I don’t know, I think the diversities. There’s loads of different people here, different walks of life. I dunno, in my day-to-day life I just see undesirable people. [They’re your friends] Well, not really. Yeah, as I’m saying my goodbyes and stuff I’ve got like two people to say goodbye to. So yeah, it’s made me realise that I haven’t really got anything here at all. So it’s sort of given me purpose in … yeah, it’s made me feel like part of something, part of a motion, part of a group, coz you wouldn’t get this like anywhere else but here really.
LandWorks… it’s a bit like college, it’s a bit … I don’t know. I think that the journalist, when she said it’s like a natural antidepressant, I think that article was really good, so I would explain it as a natural antidepressant. It’s sort of like a stepping-stone back into the world, especially if most of us have been to prison. It’s a stepping-stone back into the world, definitely. It’s like not threatening either, if you know what I mean. Some things are daunting and you’re like oh, I don’t wanna be … if you don’t wanna do it, don’t bother, do this instead, or give it a go, at least give it a go. So it’s very relaxed, which works with people that don’t wanna be like where’s your homework? Do you know what I mean?
I almost had a panic attack when I first walked in here. It’s just anxious I suppose, but then it was just, you know, like a pig in shit or just riding a bike, but I wouldn’t have been in this setting in any other way. Well, I didn’t even realise that I was anxious against new people until I got here and I was like what the fuck? So it pushed me out of my comfort zone. I suppose my comfort zone’s been in-house with idiots for god knows how long or getting drunk down the pub or you know, walking the dog but getting drunk. It’s just gone from that to actually like talking to normal people coz if you think about it … like I read another one of these PeNs on the wall and it said coming from a crack den to in here is pretty different, so you don’t realise what people go home to from here, so it’s a completely different setting, coz at that point, when I came here, I was at Another Place* and I had just split up with D*. I didn’t wanna go back to my previous place completely, so I was sort of staying on her sofa and it was terrible. I just didn’t know what to do with myself at the time and that’s when I said to my Previous Place* can I come back? I’m gonna be travelling, I know it’s this date, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, from Another Place to here, it was like … do you know what I mean? I did not wanna be at Another Place*. I did not wanna be doing that. She’s got three kids of her own. There’s drug dealers coming in and out. She’s an older woman. She’ll be * this year, but she sort of mums everyone, including me. So yeah, not a place I wanna be. It’s all very well when you’ve got other alcoholics around you … fuck it, fuck it, fuck it … that’s why I missed quite a lot of days when I first started coz I was there. Then I went to Previous Place*. The change of environment was completely different. It made me want to come to LandWorks. It made me see better in people I suppose. LandWorks has given me motivation and faith in the world.
The other sort of options I had, it was pointless really. Are you ok? Yeah, I’m ok. Want any help with accommodation? No. What’s the point? Now what? What’s the point? No incidents this week … ok … yeah, that’s because you’re keeping me in Place* and I’ve got a stalker and then you’re wondering why I’m getting battered every week, coz there’s only two blimming roads in Place*… jumping out of bushes and stuff. Do you know what I mean? So, it was pointless. It’s not like … I think once upon a time I was on probation before they put me in the charity shop. I was going through dirty clothes and whatever, hanging it up and all the rest of it, there is nothing rewarding about it. Here, you’re actually doing something. If you wanna take what you have made home, you can take it home, chopping-boards that I’ve done as well, like nice presents, sort of reconnection with your family a little bit coz I gave that to my grandad and stuff like that. It gives me talking points with my nan coz she’s like oh, you’re fabulous. So, you never would’ve got that just going to see your probation officer in the office. So it’s definitely the setting and the people.
I will be coming back though. I will visit you guys. I said to Chris, I said I’ll have to commit a petty crime … he was like don’t be silly, you can come back at any time. When I came here, I said to my partner, I said you’d absolutely love it, but he’s got no opportunity to come here unless he does something wrong. Where’s the sense in this? But obviously that’s the whole point. You forget that bit.”
A window into LandWorks 