“I ended up in HMP1 first, then I went to HMP2. I was seg orderly in HMP2, so looked after the inmates that were in the seg. That was different. The things I’ve seen, not good, on the prisoners’ side as well as the gov’s side. They were terrible, the inmates as well as the governors. I’ve seen prison staff spit in people’s food and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. People pee protests, poo protests, stabbings, you name it. Eventually progressed from there. It took me six/seven months and then I ended up in HMP3, D-cat prison, which was different, very different, able to go outside a lot.
I was a while at HMP2… I tried to go to a local HMP coz it’s 10/15 minutes from my house, coz it’s in *Place, for some reason it was like no, you’re not going local HMP, you’re going HMP2. I was like well that’s not a problem. I’ve gotta go where I’ve gotta go, I’ve got no choice. I wish I could’ve done that. The attitude was, if you don’t go we’re just gonna bend you up and chuck you in the van, you’re going. [Been before] A few times, yeah. This is my last. I’m not going back to jail. No, I’ve got my boys to concentrate on … 12 and seven … my two boys.
I was 17/16, when I first was in jail. I didn’t end up in a YOI, I went straight to HMP because it was a severe charge, so they put me straight in when I was a young kid, so I had to just … it was different for a sentence. I wasn’t even 18. I had no choice.
I was in care all my life. It’s nothing to be sorry about. So I was in care from the age of five. Foster-carers were evil. So they’d kick me out in the morning, don’t come back ‘til night … no money, just get on with it, so I had to do what I had to do …, at first it was me and my brother and sister. Coz I was the naughty little monster, I ended up in actual foster care, in a home, whilst they were adopted by my dad’s sister … my brother and my sister. So I was in *Another Place in a foster care home. I was here, there and everywhere. Every week I was moving. So I had to learn to fight at an early age and my temper and my fighting’s got me in trouble many times. I’m not proud of it, but life’s life.
Still having the same experience. Yeah. It’s not the fighting no more, it’s just different dramas, coz I’ve got a problem with my family at the minute. They might be kicking me out after Christmas. I’ve got loads of just crap just hanging over my head, what I’m trying to sort out. Yeah, it’s stressful. Not one week I’ve a decent week since I’ve been out of jail in July. It’s one thing after another.
It is a lot but it’s just nice to come here once a week just to de-stress from them, from actual life. If I’m not here I’m either pottering around in the house, fixing the house or helping her mum with the boys or kids, and looking after the dogs, just pottering around doing what I can. I never stop. Last week I was fitting doors. This week I was fitting more doors … more cleaning, trying to sort my cars out, other than that … that’s how I try to live, keep myself busy.
In total I’ve probably done just over five-and-a-half/six years out of 32. My last … second time, I said I’m not going back … too much to lose.
I did have a bit of a coke habit, yes. I was getting it for free, so the more I was picking up, the more I was getting for free, so the more was going up my nose. I stopped … I’ve been drug-free for five years now. She give me the ultimatum … kids or drugs … I picked my kids and from that day I’ve not touched drugs since. I don’t smoke, never smoked. Then I started drinking and I got bad on drinking, I was drinking too much. I know I was and since I went jail I’ve still not had a drink. I’ve got this on my foot, so I’m not allowed to drink. I’ve got an alcohol tag and curfew tag on me … one on each foot.
I’ve always been drinking, since I was 13. I used to go to *Country with my family, and they’d drink over in *Country, and I just carried on drinking when I got home. They didn’t care … my dad’s sister. They didn’t adopt me, they just took me in, they adopted my brother and my sister. I was just a tag-along, and when I was 14 I run away, never looked back and I’ve been on my own ever since.
LandWorks, I remember coming out with my probation worker on the first time and they was like do you think this will be for you? At first I was antsy because of my anxiety. It took me a while to adjust. I suffer quite badly with anxiety. I never used to be able to go into town without having four or five beers before I went into town, just to calm myself down. I was crippling. I’m still bad but I manage it different…
I was very worried to come here coz it’s new, I dunno what it’s was like. I did struggle. When I first come I was struggling to make myself food here, I felt awkward making food. It’s the first time really today I’ve done it without even thinking. So I’m getting better with my anxiety. Today I made a sandwich without even thinking about it. Well last week … I’d normally have a banana, I don’t know if you noticed, I’d normally have a banana and a packet of crisps because I didn’t want to make it because I felt awkward. It is bad, but I get through it on my own. This place does help me. It gives me a lot to think about. It just gets my mind off the crap that’s going on out there… We walked around with my probation worker. After the walk, like half-an-hour, she was like do you think you’re gonna come? I was like I’ll give it a week and see what it’s like next week, I’ll come, and I’ve just been coming ever since. It just kept me busy, give me something to do.
The people are nice, friendly … just being able to chat with someone without being judged in the way if I was to have a chat with my missus. She’ll tell me I’m pathetic and shit like that, so I don’t talk. I can come here now, and I can actually talk about my problems, and people actually listen. I get help if I need help. Like today, I’m applying for a job. I’ve been everywhere today ain’t I. It’s only traffic management, going on the agency. Obviously, my son is autistic and moving back into his house, trying to settle him before I can get a job, but it’s been five/six months, he’s still not … I’m fed-up of pussyfooting around, all the family saying you’ve got to do this, you’ve got to do that … no, I’m doing it for myself now. So I’ve decided I don’t care what they’ve got to say, I’m getting a job coz I need my own money, I need my own freedom. I don’t wanna be begging for money from family. It’s not for me.
I like it here. It’s peaceful. It caters for everyone. I like the workshop. I don’t mind a little bit of the gardening, but not the best of times. I’ve been in the pottery room for probably 10 minutes coz I’ve been busy with paperwork and bibs and bobs. It’s wicked. I arrive here in the morning, it keeps me awake, it keeps me fit. I love it out here. It’s wicked. I’m keeping at it so I’m doing something right. I’ve done the woodwork, the workshop, bit of gardening, bit of DIY around here.”
A window into LandWorks 