Benny Says: “I’m not broken, I’m just changing. I am transforming…”

“When I come out of prison I’ve got somewhere to live. I’m hoping to go back to teaching if I can. I used to do that and loved it. If I can’t do that or I need to earn money from day one, then the answer is I don’t really know. I’ve got a couple of friends that have got businesses, if I really pushed, they would give me a job, but I don’t want to do that. I really don’t want to do that. I might have to. I’ve got one guy, my good friend A, he’s got restaurants. I’ve got two guys I went to school with who have got a couple of pubs, the ‘Name’ being one. I could go and work there perhaps, even behind the scenes, do something. I’ve got B who owns ‘Place’ in… I went to school with him. Now, if I pushed them, they’d find me something, just to give me a wage, but I don’t really want to do that because I like doing things off my own back if I can. I don’t like to put on people, but if the worst comes to the worst, then I’ll have to do that. I’ve got other friends as well if I go deep enough. I know a lot of people in the area. There’s a lot of people that put me down for going to prison and stuff, but you know who your friends are. I’m going to have a week off when I get out of prison, just a week, just to get everything sorted out and have a bit of relaxing time for a week, but I will make sure 100% that I’ve got something lined up before I leave prison. I won’t go out of prison without a job. I’ve got to have a job. I like to go to work. I can’t sit around…

So what? It’s only money. I don’t care about money like I used to. I’ve had it Jules. I’ve had a taste of it for long enough. I’ve had all the money … not all the money that I would want … at the time, I wanted loads. I wanted an island, I wanted a helicopter and all these stupid boyhood dreams and the James Bond lifestyle, but I had the money. I had more money than I could spend. I had the cars, I had a nice house, I had beautiful holidays, I had everything I wanted, legitimately and then I did the fraud for other reasons and I don’t want to go back. Money doesn’t bother me. Having four years without any money in your pocket or having a wallet, it doesn’t matter now. I don’t care whether I’ve got money. I just want to be able to live and enjoy my life without having to impress anyone anymore. I’m not bothered…

You’ve got to remember that most people that have been to prison, especially the ones that have been to LandWorks, has been money related because drug dealing is making money, isn’t it? But the difference between fraud and drug dealing, drug dealing, I class that as a bit of an illness and when you go to prison you accept it’s an occupational hazard because if you go out to be a drug dealer, one of the hazards of the occupation is you’re going to get caught occasionally and if you get caught you’re going to go to prison. So, you know you’re going to go to prison and when you get guys that have been here, I won’t mention any names, that are certain they’re going to go out and do it again, but not get caught this time, idiots. With fraud it tends to be more of a one-off thing unless it’s a small thing. If it’s a big fraud it tends to be like no way in the world am I going back into prison. I don’t give a flying … I’m not going back…

Becca [the LandWorks counsellor] was in yesterday. I saw her. She’s alright. I’m not broken, I’m just changing. I am transforming Jules. I am becoming more understanding. It’s very complicated, but yeah, I am changing, slowly. Just because of the things I do and the way I am and the way I talk to people. When I’m talking to people now, I tend to listen to what they’re saying rather than making a judgement and an opinion before they’ve finished or before hearing them finish. When I’m having a joke at the table, it’s different, but when it’s serious or when something’s happened that I don’t like, I’ll try and see now, I’ll take a step back and see the other side of the story to understand why they acted like that or why they spoke like that and it’s helping me, rather than making a judgement and jumping in too quickly. So, I’m trying to do that. That’s it really. There’s other stuff, but it’s complicated as hell. It is complicated, honestly. She’s doing a good job. She has helped me understand a few things and give me some pointers and that…”

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