A window into LandWorks

“I’ve done lots of catering types of work. Loads of different types of jobs. Never the same type of job, but always usually catering. I’ve done removals. I’ve done factory work, production work, sales, all sorts of jobs. I’ve worked at the local supermarkets, till work, bit of everything really, but mainly catering, mainly kind of chef work, cooking. I did like it, but it being stressful, sometimes I’d blame that type of work for why I’m in the position I’m in now. It doesn’t mean it’s true, but it just feels like that’s the reason why maybe I went down that path, just stress and anxiety and depression. You think, bloody hell, I’ve got to get up and do another split shift, how many more split shifts have I got to do? It’s just like that and then you just think, actually, you’re doing this for money, great, but… I didn’t feel at the time that I established myself in any way at all. I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished anything. So, I thought it was time to exit out of the whole catering business and maybe look for something else, but things happened, drugs happened, the wrong crowd happened, typical things that would happen and I become a junky or a bloody drug addict…

I would call myself a junky, yeah. I still would, yeah. Being on methadone, it’s not that different to being on heroin really, it’s just controlled. They say it’s worse than heroin actually, to come off, but it’s better to be sort of stable. Obviously, I get a lot of anxiety because the fact of reducing, isn’t good. Coming down to the last few ml’s, it’s not nice, but then, I’ve spent all this money in the past to have a good time and how I think of it, it’s the price to pay now, for having a good time and the price to pay, isn’t going to be nice. You can’t expect it, but you can’t just have a really good time on heroin and then suddenly it’s fine. I feel like there’s this massive thing in the way now stopping me from being back to my old Casper, my old normal self. In order for that to happen, I have to go through this methadone reduction, which is going to be hard… I’d never taken drugs before. Heroin was the first proper illicit drug I’ve ever taken. This is why I’m scared. Codeine and stuff like that, that was all prescribed…

I got in trouble for burglary. I’m trying to think of the order of it all. What happened first? The burglary and the stealing from over the counter in the chemist. I was going to jail and then I explained to my barrister and he said “ok, we’ll tell your story, we’ll say that you started taking heroin” and that was the truth. So, instead of giving me two years, it gave me a chance to redeem myself by doing some sort of doing-good. Then my probation officer referred me here and I wasn’t keen at first because I’d just started my methadone and it was horrible…

I reckon I’ve been coming out here for a few months. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I don’t even know how I pulled it off here to be honest. It’s good… I’ve done all sorts here, everything, cooking, pottery, woodwork, projects, building barns or extensions, bit of gardening. I liked all of it. I like just being here in general. It doesn’t mean that I still don’t think about those thoughts, but it does ease it a bit, being here. It’s a learning curve. Being here does help. It helps massively… I enjoy it. I definitely enjoy coming here. I’d recommend it to anyone. Working with Martin is good. I do enjoy it. [Pottery] I might have made a couple at the beginning, one, I think, and a couple of tiles. [Woodwork] Yeah, bibs and bobs. I made a couple of candle holders, sold a few chopping-boards and bibs and bobs. It’s just a day at the office, that’s how it feels.

[Chris] Bless him, he’s doing everything. It’s like right, you’ve got to see the counsellor, as soon as I’m here I’m like give me a minute for the methadone to kick in please, but I don’t want to say that to him. He’s such a nice bloke to me all the time. He does so much for me. I’d do anything for him, but sometimes you just want to shout at him “Chris, I’ve just got here”, but you don’t. You put the fake bravado on. I just want the methadone to settle in a minute… I just like walking around and doing jobs. It might be cold, but it’s fresh, fresh air. I’m getting naturally tired.

Do you know what Julie, I don’t look past one day at a time. It’s hard for me to say anything really, it’s hard to explain. I try not to because if I do, I just get anxiety really bad. It’s just one day at a time for me…”