“What brought me here – obviously there are some offences that I committed after my partner (Alex) was killed. I was struggling with my mental health and that, feeling suicidal, and then really sort of felt like a lot of progress was maybe made and then, you know, obviously I then had a fall and broke my back and ended up in hospital, which was quite difficult, you know, but I’m very thankful to not be in a wheelchair and to be alive. So, you know, that sort of gave me a new burst of life but, you know, I was on a lot of strong medication and obviously not being able to be very mobile again means you have a lot of time to just be stuck in your own head about sort of things that have happened and gone on… Then obviously I was meeting probation from the offences and then a very close person I grew up with died in police custody, and they’re responsible for his death, and you know, I think new grief re-opened old grief and obviously that led me to commit another offence, you know. The two big offences I’ve been charged with is assault of a police worker…
[How long coming to LW] I don’t know, maybe only a couple of months. [Remember first day] I’m not sure if I do remember the first … [remember first visit] yeah, yeah, I remember the first visit I ever made, seeing Alex’s bench. I just thought it was lovely here, just really, really lovely, you know, when you walk around and look around, there’s just so many amazing things to see, and people, and nature, you know, very homely, like I said.
[First thing you did] I’m pretty certain we went in the woodwork shop, and I just did some sanding, which was very therapeutic actually, making it from rough to that nice finish, it’s quite satisfying. Then I think, you know, we all sat for lunch, and I think we all went up to the garden together. That was quite nice coz everybody was just sort of getting stuck in and helping. We did a lot of the de-weeding, which again was extremely satisfying, you know, coz it was all such a terrible mess and just sort of clearing it up and seeing that finished result is quite nice. It was just nice for everybody to be working together as a community there and you know, many hands make light work isn’t it. You know, if that job was for one person it would probably feel quite overwhelming. So yeah, it was lovely, really, really nice, you know, I only sort of touched base briefly with everybody. It takes a little bit of time to get the grasp and suss it all out doesn’t it.
[Now at LW] I feel like I’ve got to know everybody really well, you know, which is really lovely. I’ve sort of had the chance to sort of touch base with each person individually and build a bit of a rapport and a relationship, which I think is really important isn’t it. If you feel comfortable and to actually want to be here, it makes quite a difference, you know. I’ve done a few little projects and different things, I think. I mean we did the sunflower, I remember that, you know, and planting, a bit of outside sort of work; some of the stuff with the wood… I did do the tile but I’m not sure if they’ve glazed it or not or anything. I would just like to have that up there with Alex’s. That would mean the world to me. Sea, sun, some flowers. I love the sea and I love the sunrise and the sunset. Again, I’m not very artistic so I think it looks terrible. I’m sure it does.
[Tag] It’s not too bad. Well yeah, no alcohol at all, yeah, for four months. Obviously when I went for that they said are you gonna be able to … like do you have an alcohol problem? They’re not allowed to put you on it if you’re gonna fail. They’re not allowed to set you up to fail, otherwise … it’s unfair. So yeah, I always thought a tag could be a little bit difficult, but it was easier than what I thought it would be. If anything, I just don’t like being told what to do, that’s probably the hardest, and having to walk around with that big, massive thing on my ankle. It’s alright if you’re a bloke, you can sort of hide it and stuff, but if you’re a female it’s very … it’s not very lady-like either. It draws a lot of attention. I’ve actually … it’s drew a lot of attention from criminals, which I would’ve never had before. Now they wanna talk to me, they think we’re friends and we’ve got something in common. So I’m not sure putting them on a female is … I think, you know, you could actually be putting them in quite vulnerable situations.
[Highlights] Oh god, I don’t wanna pick coz I feel like that’s not fair on … I don’t know. I enjoyed planting the rose bush. It’s a really special thing to do isn’t it. It seems sad but … I think it was called something like ‘lucky smile’ as well, the actual name. Alex’s mum has said for me to take like a cutting off it and have my own one at home, so I’ll always be a part of that, and that’s something that’ll be here for a long time. So yeah, that was a massive highlight for me of course. I calligraphed a message on the chopping-board that Alex did for his parents … a message from her to him. That was a really lovely opportunity.
[Lowlights] Probably the same things that are the highs. It’s bad isn’t it. It does have that effect and it’s always going to. It’s hard, you know, like as lovely as it is to do those things, it’s detrimental in certain ways, you know. It’s like I said, I feel everything so intensely that even though I feel like it’s such a moment for his parents to ask me to do that and to be part of that and have all that, it makes me super sad.
[Useful at LW] I can’t say that either. That’s not fair. You can’t say things like that, you just can’t. I reckon we should have a motorbike workshop here and fix motorbikes and cars. I love stuff like that. I’ve always done a lot of things, you know, and stuff like this is quite … you know, like the creative stuff has never been a bit of me, but it’s because I’ve never been good at it either, you know, I’m really hands-on, getting stuck in, though I can’t do anything with my back anymore, you know, I’m pretty much limited to all the things that I was able to do that was, you know … so I’m having to try and find other things. This has given me the opportunity to try them out and see whether they are for me or not.
I’ve been strong enough to get through all this stuff, so you know, I’ve somehow come out the other side of it. I’m in a much better place now and you know, I’m living in a different place, and I’ve got my dog, and I’ve got a future that I can work towards.
LandWorks helps…Yeah, yeah, of course it does, you know, yeah it does. Like I’ve said it’s just nice being around good people and it’s a nice place, a calming environment isn’t it.”
