A window into LandWorks

“I can’t remember when I first came here or what I was doing. Well, I wasn’t playing by the rules at the beginning. I was still using heavily and saying I weren’t. I weren’t really being honest at first and I think Chris knew that. He knew I was … obviously he knew I was using because he asked me a few times if I tested you … I said well it wouldn’t be worth it because I’m still using and then at the time I was still on methadone, but then I stopped, so I did tell Chris that I was still using… I couldn’t function without it at the time. So I’ve always tried to stop but it was hard and as I said, I tried to get … no, I tried to come off it a few times by myself here, while I was here. I think you knew about that as well and it was just too hard. I tried twice and it failed and then I got allocated a new worker, which was Kelly (Criminal Justice Coordinator, Shrublands), who I got now and she … no, I tried first to get on the injection, but I couldn’t get funded…

Funded … well, you need funding for that injection coz I don’t think it’s cheap. It’s quite expensive. It’s not like methadone, they just give it to you, it’s quite cheap, but that buvidal is quite expensive. Then Kelly said to me we might have to wait ‘til a certain time to get funded, so I did wait … I did wait and then she came back about three months ago and said that there’s funding. I was waiting on a waiting list to go to this place. I think every year they get funding. They get funded so they can put people into either detox and rehab, but we could only get detox, not rehab as well. I couldn’t get funded to go rehab. Detox is what I just done and rehab is a further three months working on yourself. It just depends how much money they’ve got, but I didn’t really wanna do that anyway coz otherwise … I didn’t wanna lose my flat.

Kelly, she did promise, she said look, as soon as I get funded, I can definitely get you this buvidal. I waited three months and then I got it. So since I’ve had it, I think my life’s just got so much better. I don’t have no-one around me who smokes and does what I used to do. I can do more things. I’m thinking more clearly. I’ve got no cravings. I did hear about it and people saying that … it’s a good way, you know, without using, it’s just the one. I don’t know what the hell it is, but it stops everything. I don’t have to look behind my shoulder no more, if anyone’s gonna rob me or I’m gonna get nicked by police. It’s took a while, it’s took a while for me to realise that. As I said, I’ve tried so many times to stop, on and off, 30 years. I never thought I’d ever come to this point. It was just so hard, but as I said, you ask for help and the only way you can do it is to get help. I thought I could always do it myself, it’s just impossible. The drugs just takes over your body, over your mind, everything, it makes you not think right, not eat, sleep properly. I’m sure you can see the difference in me in the last month. Even Chris, he keeps … he’s very emotional and then he gets me emotional. He’s tried to help me so many times and I think he just waits ‘til you’re ready, because you know, he can’t do it all, he can only do so much and I do appreciate that.

Eventually I’m hoping to … as soon as my van’s fixed, I’ve got customers who want their gardens doing, so I’m gonna talk to Kelly and then I’m gonna go part-time first, just to make sure it works and then hopefully I can get back out in the big wide world by myself.

What I think is that LandWorks gives people a chance, you give ‘em the help. You’ve helped me a lot, got me stuff. I think you just help us get on the right path and you keep us here, we do bits of voluntary work and do work, just to get us ready to get back out in the real world… It gives us a bit of structure, you know, eating healthy because we don’t eat when we’re out there. When you’re in addiction you don’t eat, so all that helps us get our bodies back together, maybe our minds. It is a good place. I know it’s took me a while and Chris is very patient. He has been patient with me. You know what I’ve gone through, and he just wants us to do the right thing. I know that.

I’m gonna get there, I know that. As I said, as soon as I can get back into work … that’s my aim now. My flat’s all up and running. When I first came here I was in debt. I was in a lot of debt, so they’ve helped me there. May’s helped with the phone calls. I probably might’ve lost that flat by now because I didn’t ring ‘em up. My son’s helped me a lot with the money. So that’s another thing, LandWorks helped me keep my flat. I said if I ever got homeless I’d go back home, I’d go back to London, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to. One of my son’s has always said dad, if you wanna come back, come back, don’t dwell and sit in a load of your own shit. But I don’t think I’d go back now.

What’s helped me is it’s given me a purpose of being who I am. If I was at home I could be home, sitting about, I could be nicked … while I’m coming here I can reflect on myself and do what I’ve gotta do just to keep myself safe, and it is a safe place to come. I’ve found it’s been safe for me to come here. I can get up in the morning … obviously if I didn’t wanna come here, I wouldn’t come here, but it was a place where I know I’m not gonna get nicked and I’m gonna be safe, and I can reflect on what I want in life. As I said, it’s took me a long time to do it, but I’m glad I did come here all this time, and I was able to come here that long. I know you only keep people on for … the longest I’ve known is nine months, so once you can see that we’ve helped ourselves I think it is time to get back out there and do what we’ve gotta do and I’m on that path now. I wanna get back out and work, but before I couldn’t, I weren’t ready, but I am now. It’s a good start.”