Eric says: “I’m nearly mended”

“I’m nearly leaving now, what a gang of people you’ve got out here. They’ve not just helped me, they’ve helped me in ways I didn’t think I could possibly be helped. Being a heroin addict for 30 years and coming out of myself within five months, I didn’t think could be possible. So, I feel like I’m back to myself, what I used to be years and years ago. I forgot who I was because I was on that opiate for so long, and you’re not yourself when you’re on that. I lost everything when I was on that, my characteristics, my morals, everything. You lose everything on it and since I’ve come to this place, it’s all come back to me. You’ve given me hope…

The guys I’ve met out here, they’ve made me realise there are good people around. When you’re addicted to opiates you don’t see those sort of people, you don’t realise that there are nice people out there. Now, engaging with yourselves, I know there are nice people out there. The help that I’ve got here is unreal. I think you all know that motivation for me is work. I know the main part of my addiction escape is through turning into a workaholic and not an addict. So that will be my addiction from now on, work, work, work, work, work. I’ve got lots of plans of my own in my head, good things of course, and now I’m off opiates, all the bad thoughts I’m dealing with that are coming my way, I’m realising who is bad and who is good…

I’m genuinely looking for work. I’m genuinely a hard worker and I’ll be with a company for the rest of my days if they give me a chance, but I know some employers don’t want to take that chance. I’ll go through the agency, I don’t mind, it’s still work. As long as I’ve got work and I’m not sat at home bored shitless with nothing to do, and then all the demons start creeping back into your life, that’s the testing time. But, this place has taught me a lot to cope with that…

What this place has done is put steps in a line. I’ve got my CV sorted, that’s a great help because I’d only have to do it out there and wait a week or two, but by the week or two that comes around, it’s already got you, bye, see you later, you’re going down the wrong road. Looking for work, phoning employers up you’ve done for me, got me a course sorted, you’ve put so much in line for me for my future, that’s unreal, that’s so beneficial for me…

The first time I came out here and the way I felt… I couldn’t engage in a normal conversation… because I’ve never ever been in a situation with so many people that’s been so straight and normal for years. Like I said it was hard for me to adjust, but I’ve done it…

I feel it’s made me a better person. I was so uncomfortable at the beginning, it was unreal. But, that uncomfortableness has now become a pillow. Imagine putting yourself in a breeze-block. When I first come out here it felt like I was in a breeze-block, I was surrounded, nothing could get in, nothing could get out. Slowly, that’s broke away…

So, that’s another thing, feelings. It’s brought my feelings out as well, being here. Where I’ve suppressed all my feelings most of my life. It’s brought my feelings out a bit better as well. It’s quite a daunting habit to not have feelings. That drug suppresses them. You don’t worry about a lot. It is weird having feelings after not having them, I’ve slowly come out of myself…

It’s been a real pleasure working here. It’s been a really good experience for me and in a beneficial way for myself as well. I’ve learnt how to put my hand to most things now… Working up on the estate was a really good experience, putting in them posts. I love doing things like that. I really enjoyed doing that…

I can engage in conversation a lot better than I did before I came out here. I couldn’t be sitting here having a conversation when I first got here, like I am now. I’m quite open. I’m quite honest… Emotions within you help as well, being honest and true and open. I’m nearly mended. From what I’ve come through and what I’ve been through, I’ve come out the other end pretty all intact…

I’ve got this chance and I want to grab it with both hands…”


3 thoughts on “Eric says: “I’m nearly mended”

  1. ‘Change is uncomfortable’ – so true. Could that be something you could create and leave around as a prompt for others? Because it is exactly what change is, very uncomfortable, but it is also what LandWorks is all about. Great write up Eric, and all the very best for your changed future.

    Liked by 1 person

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