A window into LandWorks

“I was on bail for like a year-and-a-half, so by the time it actually come to going to court, going through it all, it was just … the whole situation … I couldn’t explain what had happened, especially from me abusing the drugs and everything like years afterwards, how long it took to have an outcome, yeah, the past two years were just crap, especially like applying for jobs and then DBS checks and not knowing the outcome of it, not wanting to apply, get a job and then have the charges, everything was just difficult, everything was just difficult. It set me back a big bit. I was in college and then they didn’t accept me, they didn’t accept me on my course coz I was on bail…

There’s just so many setbacks with it, that’s the thing, it destroys your motivation to wanna actually go out and do anything, especially with having anger issues, having all of that and not reacting the right way to people when people don’t say what you wanna hear and everything. So that’s what I mean, from not getting accepted into college, that was the main thing, that just pissed me off the most and I just didn’t bother. I should’ve not let that get to me as much and I should’ve still just pushed going through, pushed going through for college and then … coz I don’t reckon … I mean I just need stuff to take up my time, that’s why being here is the best thing coz you’re not judged for … well, it’s not getting judged, but people just look at it differently, they give you an opportunity to start over, so you’re not there just feeling like shit every day and actually there’s just a positive outcome.

I messed up yesterday. I ended up slipping up a bit, but apart from that, I was a month clean three days ago and I messed up yesterday, which fucked my head up a bit, but because I haven’t … before, I wouldn’t of ended up coming into LandWorks, I’d probably still be getting out of my face now … realising that I can actually stop and I can say no, I don’t have to give in, that made me feel good about myself, knowing that I’m not always gonna be dependent on stuff to get me through the day and make me feel happy.

When I got arrested it was GBH and ABH with intent and inflicting wounds or something, so I genuinely thought I was fucked, so I just stopped caring. I literally thought I’d kill myself multiple times. Obviously, being on bail for like a year-and-a-half, almost two years, the whole thing happened with I was 16 and I’m 19 next week, like the whole thing took three years and in that three years, that’s when all my mates, they’ve got apprenticeships, they’ve sorted themselves out, and I’ve just been stuck behind, chilling with older people that have fucked their lives right up. I’ve not had a sustainable … haven’t had a good role model in my life to look up to really coz I’ve always mixed with the wrong crowd. So that’s the thing, that’s why I like being at LandWorks coz the people, they’ve had their past but they’re moving forward, they’re looking at the bigger picture. It’s just finding ways to keep yourself busy.

Everyone here is friendly, even if you weren’t going into a room to see them, they’d come out and they’d introduce themselves. There’s just so many different opportunities here. Like if you’re not into the woodwork you can be outside, like there’s the gardening. There’s so many opportunities and different things for everybody, there’s a different need for everybody here. If you’re not enjoying one thing there’s … and you’re not forced, you’re not made to do anything. Do you know what I mean? It’s like everyone’s laid back in a way. There’s rules and regulations, but it’s not … if you’re running a bit late … as long as you’re honest and everything … that’s what me and Chris … the only person … when I first heard about it I thought … I did one day of community service with high-viz on and it was awful, and I thought this would be the same sort of place, but that look around and everything, having seen … can I say his name? Yeah, Sam (pseudonym) he was coming here, and he said like push to come here. He mentioned my name’s Clarke and everything and he said push to come here coz if he wasn’t here, he said he would’ve been in prison, he probably would’ve carried on like messing up, but coming here, having somewhere you can come, not get judged … I think that’s just what everyone needs when you have been in that shitty situation … having somewhere where you can go and not feel judged, be yourself, and yeah, just live a little coz you can’t get in trouble here, you can’t. I mean you can get in trouble, but you’re not on the street, you’re just keeping yourself busy, keeping focussed and that’s just what I needed.

The best thing about LandWorks is the one-to-one chatting, chatting to people, the hands-on physical work, keeping yourself occupied, that’s the thing, keeping yourself busy, having different and positive things to think about, yeah, just keeping the brain positive and being positive, that’s the best thing about being here. Like yeah, you have bad days and everything, but I don’t think I’ve come away from … I’ve come in here feeling like shit in the morning and I come away like feeling so much better in the day, not wanting to go out and do stuff … waking up, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to do anything … so it’s just the positivity and just the … yeah, you feel like you’re benefiting something from being here, you feel like you actually are learning something, you’re given that second chance, you’re not judged for what you’ve done. It is just literally like starting anew, start having that fresh start without having to worry about being judged and everything. That’s the main thing, I think, it comes down to, for me anyway.”