A window into LandWorks

“When I first come out, I was anxious, really anxious, because I thought to meself, I don’t know nothing other than what I’ve been doing all my life. I’ve had to change everything. The way of thinking. I’ve had bad thoughts, don’t get me wrong, they’re fading away now, yeah, not so many at all. When I first came out it was like, do I really want this? It’s easier to just bugger off, but I’d had enough of prison, see…

October was mainly when I was really anxious… when I was doing all the paperwork with Sue for the claims and everything. Even Martin had to sit there with me at different times. I said listen, I’m out the door Martin, I’m not begging for money, I’m not doing it. I got wound up to hell on it, but I did stick it.

To start with, I was … because of all the times I’d been to dole offices over the years, they stopped me looking for work, they’ve stopped me Christmas, they’ve stopped me money, I hate doing it. So, to start with I was apprehensive. Is that the word? That means I was not sure. So, to start with I was not sure to do with the dole office, for example, all the paperwork that is involved, but at LandWorks, Sue has done so much for all of us, is remarkable…

December was a nightmare. It was […] Temptation was there for me. I chose to stay put and not go home for the holidays. I have come so far. There was nothing I would do to mess it up… but I did wobble a little bit. I changed Facebook, so I did not see all my friends and family enjoying the festive period…

So, January came along, fresh start, fresh year […] I’m still getting the forms and everything for the dole office. Still a bit worried with all the interviews and appointments, dole office, doctors. It was a whole bloody month of it. A whole month of mostly appointments with them, in January, I had the scan, didn’t I? The health scan and all that. Not feeling so wound up as there was help for me and some place to go to work and relax, which took three-quarters of my stress away. I still, now, look forward to every day so I can come here to LandWorks to work. If I didn’t have this, I’d be gone. You know that, don’t you? I’d have been gone months ago, hundred percent, legs or no legs. By now, I fit in and can do this outside of prison and still make a difference…

February I was struggling a bit financially. That’s when my daughter sent me some money and that. I didn’t ask her. Last night she said, “have you got any baccy dad?”, I said “not very much” – “I’ll put some money in”.

Now March, right […] I still get a lot of feedback from the prison and people that know me. This encouragement keeps me strong and able with positive thoughts. I can see the light in my future and the steps in which to reach my goals…

The pressure I always feel is less than half to what it used to be. Remember, 40 years incarcerated, things don’t change overnight, but to be under half is one hell of an achievement for me. Again, without LandWorks and the staff and help, I would have failed before now…

Even my kids and everybody I speak to, they all say I’m doing so well. I told them all in the jail, I said I’m finished, I don’t want no more and it was really bad. I got upset, not crying, but upset in myself leaving because I built the place all them years ago and I maintained the buildings later on. But a lot of people back in my day when I was 16, 17, 18 years old in the big house, all the old lads used to say “Glyn don’t waste your life” and I used to say I’m not going to waste my life, how long have you done? They’d say 26, 27, and all of a sudden, I’m looking around and I’ve done 40. My mates all finished at 32, 35, settled down. I just went mental…

In jail you’ve got four rules and regulations – don’t fight, be respectful, don’t take drugs, things like that. When you come out here with probation, you’ve got 28 rules and regulations and they will fire you straight back in. But he’s good as gold he is [my probation officer] . They took me off the prolifics in December. Yeah, first time in 20 years. […] December, I was took off the prolific offenders for the first time in 20 years. Yeah, that’s mad innit?

I wouldn’t have done it on my own. That’s a dead cert. Determination. You’ve got to want to change. It’s easy to go back to the other way, but at the end of that what are they going to do? Chuck another four years at me. It’s no good. So, it’s just to stay as we are and just go down the road. I passed the crossroad at the end of September. My lifestyle road. You get so far down it, all of a sudden, it forks. You take the bad way, or you take the good way. I always took the bad way and I stayed on that road for 40 years or more. This time I haven’t. When I got to that stage, which was near the end of September, bang, there I am, and it’s like … this is while I’m out. I got out on the 20^th. I was in two roads. I come to the junction then, at the end of September, not the beginning of it when I got out. Good intentions when I got out, but when I got to the end of September, all of a sudden, bang, I’m at that road again. It’s where it’s like is it worth doing all of this? All of a sudden, put your head back and think of the prison and I said I don’t want it. I took the other road. I ain’t going back on the other one, no, no. I don’t even see it. It’s out of sight now.”